Till We Have Faces

Rereading this book has been a precious experience. I first read it about five years ago when I was attending another college. At the time I was experiencing a difficult, internal struggle. Although I was twenty years old, I was experiencing an identity crisis for the first time in my life. I still knew I was a daughter of God, but who I was as a person, my mission in life, my ability to influence the lives of other people seemed an intolerable void. I longed to wake up in the mornings and recognize the figure in the mirror and know she was happy and filled with purpose. Reading Till We Have Faces began the process of transformation. As I read about Psyche and her veiled face, I suddenly realized I did not have a face. I too wore a veil, or a mask as I called it, and had been living safely behind it. During that semester I wrote a poem called "This Mask I Wear" that portrayed the grief and emptiness I felt and the longing to receive a face and be able to cast off the covering I was living behind. This realization started a process of healing within me and the Lord took me on an incredible journey of finding myself throughout the rest of my time at the school. Soon before I left I wrote another poem that healed the pain and incompleteness of the first poem. I had now found myself. My heart and soul had been healed and I no longer wore a mask. I knew who I was, what purpose and mission the Lord had for me, and what I have to contribute to those around me. Rereading this book has helped me to reflect on that experience and see how much my life has been benefitted through gaining a face of my own, or discovering my face. The world around me is beautiful and I rejoice in feeling the Lord work through me to help my brothers and sisters. I'm grateful Lewis wrote this book and the tool it was to help me find myself.

Grief- A Strange Phenomenon

I had never read A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, but as I read his words carried me back to earlier this year when I went through a difficult breakup. As strange as this may sound, losing someone I loved in this way felt a great deal more like the grief C. S. Lewis described than the grief I've experienced when family members have passed away. In cases where relatives have passed away, I was able to draw comfort and reassurance from the conviction that they were now out of pain and that I will be reunited with them as family in the eternities. These are not permanent losses, only temporary separations. But when I lost someone who I had grown to love and considered being with for eternity, only to have to let go of them forever I experienced the grief described in this book. I could not draw on the consolation of once again being reunited with that person. I felt empty for a long time and every waking moment seemed to be filled with their memory. Feeling close to God was difficult because the tears in my eyes and the pain in my heart disallowed me from feeling and seeing the hand of God in my life, like Lewis illustrates. But, I too remember waking up one morning and realizing the pain in my heart was less than it had been, the day seemed brighter, and I felt peace once again. I love that C. S. Lewis points out that his experience with grief was not to show God that his faith was not what he thought it was and it took God tearing down his "house of cards" for Lewis to discover the weakness in the structure of faith he had built. Through my experience I learned to rely on God in a way I never had before and my faith and fortitude was tested in a new way as well. There were times I wondered if I was strong enough to pull through the experience, and looking back I realize that God knew I could but I needed to learn that I could. God rebuilt me and made me a better and stronger person after this experience. I believe Lewis would say that he too was molded into a stronger person through his grief. Although we feel estranged from God in these moments of trial and sorrow, ultimately we draw nearer to God and become more like Him if we do not allow ourselves to be overcome by our grief but use it as a time to turn to the source of all strength and comfort--the Lord.

The Last Battle

I love the Chronicles of Narnia series, but because of the love and attachment to Narnia and characters that is built after six books it is so difficult to read about the demise of Narnia. Perhaps part of what makes the book so hard to read is the startling parallel it is to the eventual end of our own world. In the last days we have been told that "because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold; But he that remaineth steadfast and is not overcome, the same shall be saved." (JST Matt. 1:10-11) The Last Battle captures this very idea. Shift, the Calormenes, the Dwarves, and others seek only for their own prosperity and do not care what happens to anyone else. King Tirian, Jewel, Poggin, Eustace, Jill, and the Pevensies are all examples of those who remained steadfast and were saved. What separated these two groups? What gave some the strength to remain true to Aslan while others abandoned the truth? Selfishness, pride, and greed caused some to turn away. Some merely lacked a personal relationship with and knowledge of Aslan and when there faith was tested they had no foundation to stand on. This is how it is and will continue to be in our day! If we do not have a firm testimony of and personal relationship with Christ we will be deceived. Remaining steadfast and true will require consistent effort on our part to come to know the Savior so that when He comes we will recognize Him. Also, when others may come in His name we will be able to discern that they are not the Lord.

A Test of Will

Having reread The Magician's Nephew for the second time now, the most poignant and gripping part of the book is where Digory has reached the tree of youth, plucked an apple, and is beginning to leave when he is confronted by Jadis. Jadis has eaten the fruit herself and knows that it gives everlasting life and tempts Digory to abandon the mission given to him by Aslan and simply return home and give the apple to his mother. Digory is torn because of his love for his mother, but part of him wants to be honorable and fulfill the errand. The part of this interlude that is most intense is where Jadis alluringly appeals to Digory's lack of knowledge of and subsequent lack of allegiance to Aslan. She tells Digory that he has no obligation to obey. She tries every possible angle to convince Digory that he has every right to put his wishes and desires first. It's amazing to me how accurately C. S. Lewis portrays the tactics of Satan. He whispers to us that we have a right to be happy, that God shouldn't expect certain things from us, that God will understand and can't fault us for wanting to be "happy". I love that in this example the thing that pulls Digory out of his reverie is the thought of leaving Polly behind. His sense of charity and goodness is not so far removed that he cannot see that doing harm to another person goes beyond what is acceptable and right. If only more of us could see when faced with temptation the impact our actions will have on other people! Our world would be a more righteous, happy, and kind place. As in any moment of temptation, the level of the Spirit that is in our lives will help us to discern how we should act and what will please the Lord. May we remember in moments of temptation to put God and others first and we will be more certain to act as Digory did and stick to the mission and arrive at our destination safely and with peace of conscience.

The Voyage

I had read C. S. Lewis' The Voyage of Dawn Treader before but didn't particularly enjoy it the first time. It seemed choppy and lacking in spiritual messages. But rereading it this time I saw that the whole story in itself parallels our individual journeys through life. If you follow the experiences of each character they each have a different set of tools/characteristics that changes the way they face the challenges presented. Caspian exemplifies leadership, Edmund-pragmatism, Lucy-hope and faith, Reepicheep-confidence and courage, and Eustace-selfishness and short-sightedness (well, at least to start). It's amazing how the lessons learned by each are catered to help them oversome their weaknesses and that even their strengths are tested and refined along the way. Also, each person benefits from their associations with others. The same holds true for our lives. We each have strengths that help us chart our way through life, but at times our strengths can be our greatest weaknesses and the Lord helps us to refine and cultivate our strengths so we become even stronger. Also, we each have weaknesses that if left unchecked will hinder progress on our journey. But if we humble ourselves and humbly submit ourselves to experience the things the Lord allows to be put in our path, these weaknesses can be replaced with strengths and we will be able to go through life with greater grace and peace. When we reach Aslan's country (or Heaven) we will be weathered but quietly confident and excited as Reepicheep was, having finished and served our mission well.

"Your mission...

should you choose to accept it." I've never seen any of the Mission Impossible films, but even I have heard this quote. Predestination is a widely discussed and disputed topic. Personally, I prefer the term fore-ordination. In C. S. Lewis' Perelandra he explores the topic of God given missions--whether or not we are predestined to do things and whether God's plan hangs in the balance if we do not perform our assigned duties. C. S. Lewis illustrates (and I agree) that there are things that God has asked us to do and that are part of our "mission" per say, but God's plan and His purposes will be fulfilled even if we choose not to do our part. One of the most important parts of God's eternal plan is that each of us has been granted agency. Not one of us is forced to choose good or evil, to act or not to act. If we use our agency to not fulfill the mission God has for us, His plan will not be thwarted. He will provide another way. But perhaps we were the best candidate for the job. Or, even more importantly, perhaps the experience would have helped us become stronger, more patient, more kind, more diligent, more humble--more like our Father in Heaven. The whole purpose of this life is for us to prove ourselves, to show our Father that we will be obedient even when it's inconvenient and that our ultimate desire is to do His will. When we reach that point we give our will over to Him, and in return He hands us back our true selves. That is the greatest reward for accepting our mission here on earth and fulfilling it to the best of our ability.

Pere-huh?

Flying coffins, a Green Lady, a possessed frog killing man? Sound like the plot of a religious book? Perhaps not, but for C. S. Lewis it is. C.S. Lewis wrote three science fiction novels but tucked obscurely underneath the apparent storyline is in intricate analogy of the Fall of Adam and Eve, the Atonement of Christ, and the redemption of man. Before reading the book I had been told by others that the Fall was a theme of the book so as I read the first few chapters I tried (largely unsuccessfully) to make connections between characters in the book and individuals involved in the Fall. But as I continued to read I realized that many of the characters were not actually symbolic of real people, but only types of them. One of the things that stood out to me the most from the book was how the Green Lady (symbolic of Eve before the Fall) was able to receive almost direct, uninhibited communication from Maleldil (Christ). I realized that in the Garden of Eden, before the veil was drawn, Adam and Eve were in the presence of God and could communicate with Him directly. What an incredible experience that would be and must have been! But, something amazing I have been discovering over the last few years of my life, is that as we are obedient and pure, we can qualify to hear the voice of the Lord clearly in our own life, even if we are not directly in His presence. The things that have helped me to hear the voice of the Lord more clearly have been 1) a strong, consistent desire to hear His voice 2) asking the Lord specifically for His guidance 3) asking for the ability to discern His voice and 4) for the courage and power to follow the direction I receive. As I have diligently sought His voice, I have felt greater peace and confidence and an increased desire to do His will. What a blessing it will be for us if we learn to recognize His voice here, so we will know His voice when we meet Him again.