Grief- A Strange Phenomenon

I had never read A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, but as I read his words carried me back to earlier this year when I went through a difficult breakup. As strange as this may sound, losing someone I loved in this way felt a great deal more like the grief C. S. Lewis described than the grief I've experienced when family members have passed away. In cases where relatives have passed away, I was able to draw comfort and reassurance from the conviction that they were now out of pain and that I will be reunited with them as family in the eternities. These are not permanent losses, only temporary separations. But when I lost someone who I had grown to love and considered being with for eternity, only to have to let go of them forever I experienced the grief described in this book. I could not draw on the consolation of once again being reunited with that person. I felt empty for a long time and every waking moment seemed to be filled with their memory. Feeling close to God was difficult because the tears in my eyes and the pain in my heart disallowed me from feeling and seeing the hand of God in my life, like Lewis illustrates. But, I too remember waking up one morning and realizing the pain in my heart was less than it had been, the day seemed brighter, and I felt peace once again. I love that C. S. Lewis points out that his experience with grief was not to show God that his faith was not what he thought it was and it took God tearing down his "house of cards" for Lewis to discover the weakness in the structure of faith he had built. Through my experience I learned to rely on God in a way I never had before and my faith and fortitude was tested in a new way as well. There were times I wondered if I was strong enough to pull through the experience, and looking back I realize that God knew I could but I needed to learn that I could. God rebuilt me and made me a better and stronger person after this experience. I believe Lewis would say that he too was molded into a stronger person through his grief. Although we feel estranged from God in these moments of trial and sorrow, ultimately we draw nearer to God and become more like Him if we do not allow ourselves to be overcome by our grief but use it as a time to turn to the source of all strength and comfort--the Lord.